I showed my ass and it got bitten

So tonight is the first night in forever that I will be spending by myself. No call or visit from my ex-mate. Yep, that’s right…my ex. (I still can’t get used to that). The break-up occurred last Thursday night. It involved a lot of crying and laughing on both our parts. In the end he kept laughing and I kept crying because I realized that I wasn’t ready to lose him yet. It’s sad that the saying “hindsight is 20/20” is true; I realized that the problem with our relationship wasn’t anything he was doing…it was me. I was a total bitch about everything. I had a good relationship for the first time in my life and I milked for everything it was. Looking back I think I was just scared. I think I was trying to push him away, and unfortunately, I succeeded.

The truth be told, I’ve never been in a healthy relationship. Sooner or later the dude turns out to be an asshole, a liar, or crazy. I guess I just figured that it would go bad eventually so there was no need for me to put up with any of his shit or for me to curtsey around issues. I was the asshole this time. And instead of feeling empowered, I feel like shit.